drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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