if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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