fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
