There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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