y did u give ur computer a hand job?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
