The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
