I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
