I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
