I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
