So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Randomize
