did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
