all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
