why didn't you poke me back
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
