I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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