we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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