...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
