If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
