The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My friends, they love my intelligence
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
