I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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