After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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