i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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