I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
