i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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