even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
