I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
