Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
