do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
