I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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