i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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