he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
