You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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