I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
