had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
