I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
