It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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