Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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