I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
