bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
