I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
