new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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