i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
