She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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