I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
