I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
