After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
