That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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