We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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