Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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