Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
