New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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