so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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