i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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