so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
