I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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